THE ADVENTURES OF WALLACE McTAVISH AND FAMILY

Some of the words contained within the stories are written in the scottish style of accent, I do hope you can still understand it all.  Enjoy..

THE INCREDIBLE SMELL!
Wallace McTavish and family dwell in an old disused rabbit burrow in the Cavy Hills, Inverpigshire, Scotland. Wallace has a wee wifie called Flora and 5 pups called Toby, Scotty, Bruce, Beauty and Bess. One day while the McTavish family were having a afternoon siesta, Wallace suddenly awoke with a dreadful smell creeping up his nose. "Hey where's that awfy smell coming frae"? his shouts wakened the rest of his brood. 
"Aw Paw whit did you waken me up for that smells real bad, moaned wee Toby, "phew that's the worst since Scotty had the runs last week", declared Bruce. Everyone quickly glanced round to see were Scotty was, but he was hiding behind his Maw Flora, "it wisnae me!" cried Scotty, who's war cry this always was, even if he was the culprit. The whole family had to get out of the burrow quickly. 
While the pups were playing, Wallace and Flora went to investigate, further along the ground a section of the burrow had collapsed due to an enormous cowpat, this was the reason for the incredible smell!! Poor old Wallace had to excavate the mess, not a pleasant job as you can image, but some piggie had to do it.

WALLACE AND THE HAWK
One fine sunny day Wallace was scratching around the ground looking for some food for his family to eat, when he became aware that something was watching him, his piggie sense told him so, and he was right. Sitting high up in the branches of a far away tree was a hungry hawk, who was watching wee Wallace digging about, 
"Mmm thought the hawk, that sure looks a tasty snack, though am no sure whit the heck it's wearing roon its middle, (a kilt ya numpty). Licking its beak the hawk made a very fast dive towards wee hapless Wallace, unaware that Wallace had been watching the hawk out of the corner of his beady wee eye. 
As the hawk drew closer and closer Wallace quick as a flash grabbed his trusty walking stick and smacked the hawk straight across his napper, (head).  The unfortunate hawk swooped and looped the fandango before crashing with a mighty thump into a tree, totally dazed and dizzy the hawk didnae know whit day of the week it wis in. 
Wallace waddled away with a big juicy carrot shouting for all the world to hear, "My name is Wallace and you cant catch me"!!!!

THE UNEXPECTED WETTING
It was a cold frosty winter's morning, little Toby, Bruce and Scotty were told to go out to hunt for some hopefully dry and fresh pieces of hay and bracken for the burrow, as their Maw Flora with Beauty and Bess was cleaning out the old and dirty smelly bedding, which honked to high heaven. Their Paw Wallace had been on a nightshift food forage and was sleeping like a baby in another part of the burrow, cos when Maw was in the mood for a spring clean the best place to be was anywhere but near her, she would find work for any lazy pig lying about, and the three young male piggies did not like work much. So they were more than happy to be out and about, larking around playing more than fetching. They had to go quite far as there wasn't much in the way of hay and bracken near their burrow, they had used it all. Finally the three young pups found what they were looking for, so gathering as much as they could manage, they set off for home.

They had to pass a small burn by going all the way along its length till it came to a point where it nearly met the opposite bank, it was a fair walk, and on wee stumpy legs very tiring, Wee Scotty being the laziest decided on a shortcut, he was at the tail end with his two brothers in front, and he was thinking to himself, "Och I've had enough of this malarky, I'll nip over this hump of grass here and jump over to the other side, and beat them two, and I'll get home first". So that's what he did, but the grass hump hid a wide ledge underneath, so Scotty jumped and landed right in the middle of the freezing cold water. Well he let out such a shriek of terror as the cold water washed over his furry wee body, shockaroony he'd never had a bath in his life, plus he lost all the carefully gathered bedding into the bargain.

He quickly scrambled out and hurried home wheeking and shreiking for his Mammy, he woke his poor tired Paw as well crying like a wee baby, all the members of his family had a right good laugh at silly Scotty's mishap. His Maw Flora laughingly said to him "I told you to get fresh bedding, no to get a bath intae the bargain, though you could sure do with one now and again wee Scotty". "Get one now and again", shrieked the horrified Scotty, "that was my one and only", he vowed never again, and as far as I know the stinky wee pig hasn't had another bath yet.

THE ECLIPSE
It was a quiet morning and the McTavish family had just woken up. As usual Bess and Bruce were up first annoying the older ones to get up. After having breakfast the pups went out to play, while Maw cleaned the house. It was a really warm day and the pigs were eager to explore new places. The older ones were off in a flash leaving Bruce and Bess to make their own plans for the day. "So where do you want to go?" said Bruce " Och I don't know" replied Bess " here why don't we go to the camping site, I heard that there is valleys full of delicious food!" said Bruce "I want to go now!" swooned Bess, so of they trotted.
When they arrived it was very busy with humans everwhere, but Bruce was right there was loads of pieces of food lying on the ground. When the greedy wee piggies saw all this food they began eating it down in giant mouthfuls. Both pigs stayed there until they could no longer eat nor move, " Oh heck I'm going to burst" groaned Bess " so am I" groaned Bruce. After sitting for twenty minutes they began to move again but very slowly. The sun became brighter and hotter. After only moving a few yards both pigs were becoming very hot and tired. " I can't move am so hot" moaned Bess, wee fat Bruce could only nod in agreement, so they decided to lie down on the grass but still the hot sun was burning them. They lay there for some time sweating and panting for water knowing that if they were not saved soon they would be fried bacon.

Then a miracle happened, they were saved by a human's big b.. which blocked out all the sun. Bess and Bruce screamed as the big bum came thundering down nearly squashing them both. "Piddlin pigs what is that? " shrieked Bruce " I don't know?" replied Bess, " And where has all the light gone?" asked Bruce " Ah don't know Bruce but I'm scared!" squealed Bess "Och don't be such a baby!" said Bruce, "now let's try and get out of here! but there was no gaps, no way out. Both pigs began to panic, Bess began weeping and wailing "I want me mammy" but they had to give up in the end, they couldn't find any way out, so they had a wee snooze instead as they were both so tired.

They were quickly wakened when the big bum moved away, the sun was still warm but not as hot as before. When it was safe they trotted home, now it was a lot cooler as the day grew to an end. When they arrived home Bess shouted for her Maw and started to cry again " Mercy me what's wrong with you lassie?" she said 
"Oh Maw we where nearly crushed to death by a big bum and we were trapped!" her mum just stared at her and shook her head, saying "Bess I think you've had too much sun, big bums indeed, now go and wash your paws for supper!". 
Later that night Bruce and Bess told the story about their brush with death, or could that be bums!!. The whole family had a good old chuckle at this tale, before going to their straw beds.